Creating Energising Connections
Have you ever had a relationship with someone and felt like you couldn’t really connect with them in a way that made you feel good?
It might have been with your intimate partner or with a work colleague, family member or a friend. It doesn’t matter who and what form it takes, as long as we are having an ongoing two-way interaction with another person, it is a relationship. Of course, if the interaction is only one-way, it is usually called stalking.
All too often our relationships don’t seem to contain much actual relating or real communication of anything meaningful. Either we do not feel heard or sometimes we are not really listening to the other person. This leaves us feeling depleted rather than invigorated – like the energy has been sucked out of us. Sometimes we might think that it doesn’t even make much difference whether the other person is actually there or not. It seems they are only present physically and nothing more. This is probably because one of you is present physically only and absent in other aspects; mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
There are many reasons for this sort of disconnect; maybe your focus is on other issues, or one of you is feeling uncomfortable in the relationship for some reason, or maybe there is a trust issue about something that happened. The real issue is that you don’t know what the problem is because it is not being discussed – you just know there is a problem because you don’t feel a connection.
If we stay in relationships that lack connection without addressing what is really going on, we are left feeling unfulfilled and the relationship will usually spiral downwards until it reaches a crisis point – or one person in it does. That crisis point can be an affair or some sort of a breakdown. We often remain in these relationships and push how we feel under the carpet, pretending to ourselves that everything is ok, or asking ourselves “Is this all we can expect out of the relationship?”. The answer is “No!”. We can and should expect more because there is a lot more to be received from every relationship in our lives.
Changing the pattern in your relationships starts with you!
It is time to look inside and ask yourself some deep questions:
- How much do I give of myself to the other person?
- How much do I give to the relationship?
- How well am I connecting with my true self?
- How much am I allowing myself to receive from the other person?
- How much am I allowing myself to receive from myself?
Relationships are like mirrors and the other person often reflects back to us what we need to address in our self. Often the reason we find it difficult to connect with others in a relationship is because we, ourselves, are not open to connecting to our self and others. We hide behind a mask created by our ego and that is what we allow other people to see. Sometimes we hide so well behind that mask that even we do not see our true self.
So if we want to create relationships in which we feel really connected and energized, what do we need to do?
The relating starts with us connecting with our self and then with others.
In our society, we have been taught not to say how we really feel and to fear the consequences of telling the truth. So we shut down and shut up and suppress our feelings. When we stop sharing how we feel, we lose the connection between our self and others. The consequences of shutting down and losing connection are more of a danger to our relationship wellbeing than the unknown responses to our truth … which may or may not happen.
So the first step is to work out what you really feel and what is true for you. Listen to your positive inner voice that comes from your heart rather than your critical ego voice. If we hide behind our mask and are not true to ourselves, others will pick up on it and the connection will fail. It is like we withdraw our hooks that others could hook onto.
When you stand in your truth, you stand in your power. Knowing it is true for you, will enable you to accept what others think without making it your problem. People will be attracted to your energy and will want to connect with you because you will be in integrity and congruence in what you say and do. It will have a domino effect; when we are true with ourselves, then we can be true with others and we open the space for them to be true with us.
The next step is to share how you truly feel with those in relationship with you – from your heart and not from your ego mask. When you share what’s important to you in an honest and respectful way, people will respect you. When you open up and share your feelings, you extend the hooks for others to hook on to and connect to you. If they can do the same with you, your connection will grow.
Therefore, if you want to connect with another person in a meaningful relationship, share your thoughts, your feelings and your energy with them. Give of your inner self to them and be open to receiving from their inner self. When you open your heart and mind to giving and receiving, you open yourself to experiencing those deep and real connections with others that we all desire. Then you will create relationships with your intimate partner, family, friends and work colleagues that will support you and you will attract energising connections in relationships that will leave you both feeling fulfilled.
I invite you to try this in your current relationships and see how it changes how they relate to you.
We would love to receive your feedback and share your experiences. Please feel free to comment below.
About the Author – Janeen Sonsie
Janeen‘s spheres of passion are real communication for prosperous relationships and blossoming through life transitions. She is an international speaker, facilitator and coach who helps people and organisations around the world Get Real Communication for Real People wanting Real Results. Janeen is the founder and editor of MojoCircle magazine. For more information see Our Experts page.
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